The truth about mental and emotional illness

Open admission - I am not a medical professional and have no official training in medical, emotional, or mental health.
Second open admission - I have an anxiety disorder.
And the third - I have a teenage son with multiple symptoms which may be multiple disorders or Aspergers Syndrome, or Aspergers syndrome with other disorders all mixed together.

We've had my son in for some initial counseling followed by an attempt to diagnose the problems. The battery of tests came back with mixed results. All of his symptoms fit into the Autism Spectrum, more specifically Aspergers Syndrome. However it was the educated opinion of the doctor leading the diagnostic team, that my son has multiple disorders each with it's own issues.

So we start a search for a doctor qualified to treat adolescent autism spectrum disorders. (You see, any doctor qualified to treat his multiple symptoms was very likely to be specialized in autism spectrum anyway. So we decided to make sure the doctor was qualified either way). We found a wonderful doctor practicing one day a week with a group devoted to biblical foundations (a plus for us since we believe faith is a significant part of the person)
She seemed to be getting off to a good start when the bad news came. She had been given a chance to spend all of her time helping smaller schools with their developmentally disabled children. She had been spending the other 4 days a week with them already. The way I understand it is that these schools could not afford quality help for their special needs children and her work there was, and is, very special to her. So I don't fault her for the decision she made but we were still disappointed at losing such a fantastic doctor for our son.

So now we're back at Children's Hospital trying to find some help to locate another qualified physician/therapist for our son. After some mis-communications and extended waits in an under served portion of our healthcare system we were finally scheduled for a first visit with a doctor that also seemed a very good match. He is not an MD however he is eminently qualified and has a nice laid back personality that will not intimidate our son who is already hard to communicate with. The process of getting treatment started is extremely long. The timing from the very beginning to initial treatment was over a year and a half. Then another 4 months when we needed to transition to a new doctor.
One of my sons coping mechanisms is to play with modeling clay - non stop. This helps him work out nervous energy and was discovered by a wonderful art teacher. So we have been blessed with some great people helping him in his life, most of them through the school system since social situations are difficult for him (that keeps him from doing hardly a thing other than school and sitting at home)

Today I had a fight with him over starting his homework. I can hear a lot of you saying "Been there, done that." as well as seeing the heads nodding. Well, most of you cannot imagine the pain that followed. Long story short, I had to give him a punishment for his refusal to cooperate or communicate. You see, his condition causes great difficulty for him to communicate or express his feelings or emotions. Even so, we do not allow him to completely refuse to acknowledge a request, order, question - another person talking to him. As hard as it may be he has to at least tell us that he can't talk about it right now. The full details are not to the point of this post but the end result was me taking his modeling clay away from him. This was not pleasant nor easy.

As I struggled to get the clay away from him I started to get my own mental images. I started to see TV shows depicting police officers and other authorities trying to get some information out of a homeless person and that person simply making gestures of head shakes and other "I don't know" postures while avoiding eye contact the whole time. I see the authority person, not understanding, getting frustrated and becoming angry, possibly even physical with the person. And I see my son in that scene. And it frightens me something terrible.

You see, I cannot understand his inability to communicate with others but I do understand not being able to control ones own feelings. I have no idea why I have anxiety attacks. I don't understand why the totally improbable, nearly impossible, cause me to have moments or hours of fear. However, I have been able to learn how to manage it, how to cope and to other people I interact with, to seem totally "normal". My son has not.

The truth about mental illness. The truth is that nobody suffering from a mental disorder -wants- to be that way. A few may fake some symptoms and a few others may take advantage of mild symptoms but not a single person chooses to have the problems caused by their disorder.
There are more truths - When someone thinks they're being funny by poking fun at challenged persons - it hurts us too. And we're all around you. I've been amazed at the number of people who were willing to confide their emotional/mental condition after I've been open about mine.

In the end, there is help. There are people who are at the very least sympathetic and/or empathetic even if they can't understand your exact situation. We've all got out own problems and we will all get along a little better if we slow down judgement of others that may not seem "normal". The longer I live the more I think that normal doesn't exist, it's merely a state of being that we define as an excuse to feel better or worse about ourselves. We each have a place that God wants us to be and the sooner we accept that we are all different, the sooner we can be effective at what God has trusted to our hands, minds, and hearts.

If this has touched you please take a moment to leave a comment - even an anonymous one saying "I -try- to understand." for that is all I am hoping to bring from this rather long missive, a willingness to try because some people just aren't wired that way.

As one my of doctors said at the end of each appointment- "Be well."